Could SEX be the Culprit?

I am unashamedly a believer and follower of Christ. Yes, I too, think Jesus Rocks!

I wanted to get that out of the way, because SEX is definitely a hot topic in 2012. It has been for years. Sex sells, sex captures our attention, it intrigues us, it tempts us! and Sex is often times GOOD!

Studies (not notated here ) have asked the question how good is sex for the human being. Many answers recant that it is great for you. It is good for your relationship! It is good for you psychically. The affects an orgasm has to the brain can be better than therapy.

I have had sex. (I have two kids). So I can consider myself to have some experience, and am therefore credible (yes that was a joke.) In all seriousness, sex is a serious topic. Today there is  a lot around us that desensitizes us  from the discretion that was once associated with sex. A lady used to keep her knees covered and her ankles crossed (keep a nickel between your knees! sit like a lady!).
Now you can turn the TV on, the radio on, or open a magazine and see or hear some form of legs, chest, and seduction. Raising a 10 year old and newborn in this environment makes me nervous. I don't want them to struggle with being caught up on all things sexual. Be it the need to have a man, wanting to dress showing a lot of skin, and especially exposed to the act of sex early in life.

I was 14 (YIKES) when I first had sex. My friend and i purposed to lose our virginity early and randomly so we wouldn't have our feelings hurt by the first guy who we have sex with because they will only hurt our feelings by breaking up with us. (what kind of world do we live in when this is the plan of a 14 year old girl?)
From there sex seemed to consume my imagination. I wasn't promiscuous.  I had one boyfriend who I had sex with after that which led to my first child at 17. I was also married by that age. I was divorced by 19 and single mom with her baby's father in jail before that. Shortly after that time I moved to WV where I stayed with my friend and ended up getting saved. Yay!

As my walk with Christ continued I still struggled with sex. Again, not a lot of men for me, just with the guy I was with. I always wanted to stop and couldn't figure out why I didn't. Then I met the guy of my dreams, ok well I just REALLY liked him! He loved God, & things were picture perfect between us at first. Until I found out, he too struggled with sex, so then we were struggling togetha!
For over 5 years our relationship ended but the sex didn't. We dated again and shortly after wound up pregnant.  What in the WORLD was keeping us so hemmed up in sex??? We both wanted to be pleasing to God. I wanted to make the relationship work. He wanted to get right with God. So I ended up losing both ways. He couldn't get himself together with me (his choice, ladies- yes it was a hard reality). And I was hurt because i was finally having sex out of "love" and it STILL wasn't working. WHY!!!!

Recently, I shared this blog on my FB group page. 101 Ways
It caused quite a stir! Heather talks about how when dating her now spouse they only had "church hugs", hung out in groups, and they didn't even KISS til their wedding day.

My friends on FB had a fit over some of her points. I understand. It is hard to to imagine, after having sex and kids, not even kissing a guy you like, love, or are about to marry. Some flat out refused to consider her side. My question becomes.... Could sex be the culprit? Could it be that the reason past relationships failed is because you haven't taken that time... you know that time my 2nd baby's father took to get himself right with Jesus and broke up with me... to deal with yourself? Taken the time to learn who this person really is? Do they even know who they are? Is who they are going to work with who you are? Are you compromising JUST to have a relationship? Is singleness torture? Or enjoyable?

In my experience of being single, I can often times be alone with little family or friends around. I'm often just on mom duty. However, through this I have learned who I am. Maybe God had to force me to be single to deal with the things I didn't want to confront (like unforgiveness to my father, or ex-husband). Even when not in a relationship, sex held on to me (you know, friends with benefits).

 I knew my heart was still with that person... that is why I trusted sex with them. Boy, did I have egg on my face when I found out what was going on during the same time I was having sex with him but not in a relationship.

I don't share this to stir up speculation, but I want you to glean from what I went through. You don't have to keep having sex to find true love. You can be alone and learn to love you. Build better and new friendships. You can get a degree, raise your kids, find what you love to do, and get closer to God.

THEN, once you meet a man who is worth your time, you won't have to question his motives. You will see the red flags early. You will actually be investing in a lasting relationship because your new boo will and should lead you closer to God, and respect you like NO OTHER man has.

SEX was a culprit.

It did not HELP any relationship I EVER had. So Yes, I am waiting from now on. I joined the Pinky Promise movement, and am being PURE til marriage. And I am SINGLE!
I am filling my time with helping others (something I love to do) and working on me. If sex didn't HELP your past relationships, try not having it-- see what happens?

Read books, keep inspiration around you, and become a better you. That will make the perfect spouse for your perfect spouse one day. Always remember you have a purpose as a PERSON not just a wife. Being a wife is great, but it is not your purpose alone!

Valentine's Day- Red and Pink.... Or lots of Green????

Valentine's Day...

Some hate it, some love it.
Some wait for it, some avoid it, some use it as an excuse to make up for the relationship that they don't have by shopping and spoiling themselves. (ladies you know... lol)

I have to say I love love. I'm a hopeless romantic at heart. I love the idea of getting flowers. I love when someone thinks of me by even just taking time out to say hi or send a note. I love to receive love this way!

Last night I took my girls, Tae (10) and Rae (6mo) out for a Valentines dinner. A day early to beat the crowds. I let Tae order from the adult menu (her fav thing to do! lol) and we had a simple meal. We bought her some valentine cards for her class the next day and came home. Rae was giving her 6mo death grip hugs (they tend to hurt lol) out and was all smiles. I was tired (single working moms I know you understand) but it was a nice simple evening.

This morning I took Tae to school. Normally she walks but I wanted to get her a heart shaped donut and a hot chocolate today.

 I told her I don't buy you these things to just show you I love you. I already love you. I do these things just because you are special to me, personally.

I dropped Rae off at daycare and came into work. Tell me why my heart was kind of heavy?? I had prayed this morning and read my devotionals but I was longing for something... what?
So I did some self analyzing and I went back to what I told Tae.

I know that God doesn't love me just on a holiday or when he blesses me with something. Be it a new job, friends, entertainment, blessings of any sort. But each day when I go to sleep when I am awake, when I'm busy or when I'm alone and still.... God is loving me.

See, I won't get a valentine card from my dad because I don't know him. I won't get a valentine anything from any man (well my older brother might send a text ;p) because I don't have any man in my life like that. I started to look at the male relationships in my life. The failures, the short comings, the lack. Truth is, I know I'm not the only one!

I could let my emotions run away as to why its not fair for me! I can dig into understanding why other people I know have good male figures in their life but I don't. Why they are dating or married and I'm not.... even typing that makes me giggle at myself. WHAT FOR??!!
I not only like to receive love but I like to give it. And I have today. I try to every day. (I believe in the Love rEVOLution!) So it is an escape for me to give then to focus on what I'm not getting. But to take it one step further....

Why do flower deliveries provoke a sense of jealousy in us when it isn't us? I think one reason it is nice to get it is because we not only know we are loved but other people see we are loved. So when others go on their dates we see that the seat next to us is empty... and this holiday full of pink and red hues turns into a GREEN EYED MONSTER

We get jealous because of a lack of security within ourselves. Yes we have heard it one million times-insecurities! But let us be real... when you are alone is there an aching void? that relationship that just ended- has it robbed you of your peace? That father who abused your or was never there- does that still hurt?

THE TRUTH- you are suppose to have an abundant and enjoyable life! But How??
First of all the one thing I find people don't like to deal with when they are facing confronting themselves is forgiveness. Normally I'd save this step for later but why not be bold?
Forgiveness is for you. Not the just the other person.
I can recall some of my best memories is when I look back at the boyfriend who did me wrong and it doesn't bother me anymore. Forgiveness. I literally prayed one day (and probably several times after that) and I said, "I forgive him." I didn't call him up and say, "God said I need to forgive you so I can move on!" Nope. I did it in the quiet of my own home. I was tired of that emotional torment! Don't you know that thing will eventually leave you alone! You will be free from feeling so distraught and hopeless.
So FORGIVE! Yup. Even though you think you don't want too. Find it in your heart and let it go. Give it to God.

Next....

Fill the void. One thing that is helping me and is something I am in process of is surrounding myself with the knowledge and reality of how much God loves me. I hear it all the time. I even tell others. But I want to experience it on a new level. So in my packed schedule and hands full life I read a quick devotional about God's love for me. I find scriptures about his love for me. I post things in my office and in my home. I pray about being submerged in God's love for me. Show it to me, God!

REALITY.... That void from your father or that ex is actually where they failed to love you like God does! Since that is the case, who better to fill it but Him. You will have to let go of your hurt. But God is so excited to have time with you and bless your socks off just by being his child! Let Him LOVE on you like He wants too.

But in order to truly give Him your heart you have to give Him your hurt. Let me be the first to say that your hurt is real. Mine is real. But through everything I have tried... giving it to God and just receiving his love in return has been the only thing to make me ever feel better.

Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest.... our performance will never be perfect, but a perfect heart is one that wants to do good and wills to do good.. God is proud of you and accepts you as is. Matter of fact, He has the plan to help you get an even better life!

By this time next year you will find that you aren't jealous over the flowers your neighbor got. Or the fact that you don't have anyone swooning you with gifts. But instead you will find ways that you can show someone love... I found out love gives first and I know I have love when I find myself giving it. (And who knows... because you became so friendly you may find a plethora of sisterly-love gifts showing up just to bless you.) Glory to God!

I LOVE SOMETHING THAT IS FREE!!!

I went to church for several years with a bible, a note book, and a pen. I took notes galore! I would study them sometimes. I have notebooks that line my shelves. I realized that I can study just like the next person, but what really inspires me is person to person information. I like to gain understanding through experience.

One day I took over the teen and children department of the church I was attending. I had no funds and no resources. Unfortunately, the church didn't have money for the department and I had a limited income as a single mom on a college budget.

I searched the web and found lots of free resources. Some sites had a few free things before they wanted a membership accompanied by fees. Other sites had unlimited information. I LOVE something that is FREE! So I took that info and started a teen and children group.

Shortly there after I moved, and didn't become part of a church the entire year I lived in this new place. I went to a church but it never became home. I didn't have a regular weekly teacher which was foreign to me. I couldn't afford books and classes else where so I turned on my TV and started watching different preachers. I would watch Creflo Dollar, Paula White, TD Jakes, and my favorite- Joyce Meyer. I didn't miss her broadcast once!

Every so often, she offers a book, cd, or dvd for a gift of any amount. I would give what I could and she would send me the cd, dvd, or book. I went on her website and found devotionals, articles, and lots of other information. I would listen, watch, and read. Well I moved again, this time to MD. During my first two years here I ended up having a baby and was not married. It was an emotional and spiritual struggle for me. I found two great churches i loved- but once I found out i was pregnant I limited my interaction with others. Partially due to shame and wanting to isolate myself. The other from morning sickness and fatigue! Long story short... my life began to crumble. My relationships began to fall apart. My hormones were CRAZY and I was driving those closest to me crazy too.

After having my baby, a couple months passed and I was frustrated with the state of my life and all that had crumbled. One day I looked at all those books, cds, dvds on my shelf that I bought for a gift of any amount, I looked at the devotionals that were at my finger tips, and the articles and broadcasts that were a click away. I found the Bible app by Youversion for my phone and started a daily devotional. When I missed a few days the app sent me an email to let me know I was behind! I laughed and said, "Wow... electronics and apps are my accountability partner." From there I increased study time, reading, devotionals, prayer etc... and I began to get a hold of my emotions again. I started feeling stable again. I was kinder to my children and my friends. I stopped obliging the desire to isolate myself from every one (including my kids).

All these free resources positioned me to get on track with my personal time with God. Something I was bad at for 8 years since giving my life to Christ. It isn't how much you do and how you do it. It is all about doing it and having a heart for it. Quantity and quality increases over time. However, I did notice I began to smile to myself when I read of how God loves me. It made me smile because I finally believe it!

Now I give, lend, and show these free resources to others at every opportunity. If it is free; we have not excuse not to make time! If there was a free dinner at a restaurant you love- you would make time! I WOULD!!! Because I LOVE SOMETHING FREE!!!

Ironically, these free resources have caused me to be free- Free from the limitations I put on myself and on God. Free from shame and depression. I took the time to sow God's word in my heart and to make my relationship with God personal. And wouldn't you know it! Those things that were crumbling are being rebuilt.. but this time they are on a firmer foundation!


FIND YOUR FREE RESOURCES TODAY!!