I wanted to get that out of the way, because SEX is definitely a hot topic in 2012. It has been for years. Sex sells, sex captures our attention, it intrigues us, it tempts us! and Sex is often times GOOD!
Studies (not notated here ) have asked the question how good is sex for the human being. Many answers recant that it is great for you. It is good for your relationship! It is good for you psychically. The affects an orgasm has to the brain can be better than therapy.
I have had sex. (I have two kids). So I can consider myself to have some experience, and am therefore credible (yes that was a joke.) In all seriousness, sex is a serious topic. Today there is a lot around us that desensitizes us from the discretion that was once associated with sex. A lady used to keep her knees covered and her ankles crossed (keep a nickel between your knees! sit like a lady!).
Now you can turn the TV on, the radio on, or open a magazine and see or hear some form of legs, chest, and seduction. Raising a 10 year old and newborn in this environment makes me nervous. I don't want them to struggle with being caught up on all things sexual. Be it the need to have a man, wanting to dress showing a lot of skin, and especially exposed to the act of sex early in life.
I was 14 (YIKES) when I first had sex. My friend and i purposed to lose our virginity early and randomly so we wouldn't have our feelings hurt by the first guy who we have sex with because they will only hurt our feelings by breaking up with us. (what kind of world do we live in when this is the plan of a 14 year old girl?)
From there sex seemed to consume my imagination. I wasn't promiscuous. I had one boyfriend who I had sex with after that which led to my first child at 17. I was also married by that age. I was divorced by 19 and single mom with her baby's father in jail before that. Shortly after that time I moved to WV where I stayed with my friend and ended up getting saved. Yay!
As my walk with Christ continued I still struggled with sex. Again, not a lot of men for me, just with the guy I was with. I always wanted to stop and couldn't figure out why I didn't. Then I met the guy of my dreams, ok well I just REALLY liked him! He loved God, & things were picture perfect between us at first. Until I found out, he too struggled with sex, so then we were struggling togetha!
For over 5 years our relationship ended but the sex didn't. We dated again and shortly after wound up pregnant. What in the WORLD was keeping us so hemmed up in sex??? We both wanted to be pleasing to God. I wanted to make the relationship work. He wanted to get right with God. So I ended up losing both ways. He couldn't get himself together with me (his choice, ladies- yes it was a hard reality). And I was hurt because i was finally having sex out of "love" and it STILL wasn't working. WHY!!!!
Recently, I shared this blog on my FB group page. 101 Ways
It caused quite a stir! Heather talks about how when dating her now spouse they only had "church hugs", hung out in groups, and they didn't even KISS til their wedding day.
My friends on FB had a fit over some of her points. I understand. It is hard to to imagine, after having sex and kids, not even kissing a guy you like, love, or are about to marry. Some flat out refused to consider her side. My question becomes.... Could sex be the culprit? Could it be that the reason past relationships failed is because you haven't taken that time... you know that time my 2nd baby's father took to get himself right with Jesus and broke up with me... to deal with yourself? Taken the time to learn who this person really is? Do they even know who they are? Is who they are going to work with who you are? Are you compromising JUST to have a relationship? Is singleness torture? Or enjoyable?
In my experience of being single, I can often times be alone with little family or friends around. I'm often just on mom duty. However, through this I have learned who I am. Maybe God had to force me to be single to deal with the things I didn't want to confront (like unforgiveness to my father, or ex-husband). Even when not in a relationship, sex held on to me (you know, friends with benefits).
I don't share this to stir up speculation, but I want you to glean from what I went through. You don't have to keep having sex to find true love. You can be alone and learn to love you. Build better and new friendships. You can get a degree, raise your kids, find what you love to do, and get closer to God.
THEN, once you meet a man who is worth your time, you won't have to question his motives. You will see the red flags early. You will actually be investing in a lasting relationship because your new boo will and should lead you closer to God, and respect you like NO OTHER man has.
SEX was a culprit.
I am filling my time with helping others (something I love to do) and working on me. If sex didn't HELP your past relationships, try not having it-- see what happens?
